I really messed things up (again)
I got angry (again)
Was disrespectful (again)
I pushed too far (again)
Was demanding (again)
He isn’t talking to me, isn’t reading anything I write, wants nothing to do with me. I am panicking and spiraling out of control. I don’t think I can fix this and I am not sure he wants to right now. I am terrified that I am breaking TTWD before it even gets off the ground. I pray that he will make things right between us, but I fear he will have no interest.
I am sick that I did this and sick that I hurt him. It’s not so much the distance between us (even though that is terrible) as the fact that I let him down. I can’t stand to disappoint him any more. I can’t stand the person I become, and yet I don’t know how to stop it.