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I really messed things up (again)

I got angry (again)

Was disrespectful (again)

I pushed too far (again)

Was demanding (again)

He isn’t talking to me, isn’t reading anything I write, wants nothing to do with me.  I am panicking and spiraling out of control.  I don’t think I can fix this and I am not sure he wants to right now.  I am terrified that I am breaking TTWD before it even gets off the ground.  I pray that he will make things right between us, but I fear he will have no interest.

I am sick that I did this and sick that I hurt him.  It’s not so much the distance between us (even though that is terrible) as the fact that I let him down.  I can’t stand to disappoint him any more.  I can’t stand the person I become, and yet I don’t know how to stop it.